oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
