woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
