there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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