I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
