i just had sex bonerless
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
