Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
