i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
