Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
