Christians are straight up FREAKS
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
