my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
