hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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