Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
