apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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