Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
