I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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