Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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