I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
