just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
