god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
