Non-Jews are for practice
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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