Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
