I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
