He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
