Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
