Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
