i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
