My friends, they love my intelligence
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
