32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
