remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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