I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
