He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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