remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need to calm my uterus...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
