On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
