He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
