I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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