His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Can I color on your dick again?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
