i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
