flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
