So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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