i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
