cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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