carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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