i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
