he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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