im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
