I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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