WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
