Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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