Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
