They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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